Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
