DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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