Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
