I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
