I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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