If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
