if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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