420 ftw
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
