im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
