Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize