I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
