drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
