Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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