I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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