Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize