Duck Duck Cougar?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
