I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
