Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
