There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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