Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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