I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
