Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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