Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
