mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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