I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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