you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize