everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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