My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
