I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Randomize
