Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
