I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
