Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
