Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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