I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
