You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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