All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize