Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
