Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
