he thought i was a dude.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
