OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
