Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
