went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Can you bring me the toilet please
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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