I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
