3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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