Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i want to swaddle you in tequila
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize