My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
