I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
