its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
