Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
