i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The feeling are messing with the penis
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
