I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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