Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
