I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
