She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
