Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
