have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
