Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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