Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
