I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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