your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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