Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
