She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
