I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
