how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
