should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize