Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
