i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
