Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
