Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
