suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
