i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
