worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
zippers are such a cool invention
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
