I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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